Stay calm:
What do experts suggest you do if you happen to encounter an extraterrestrial? Number 1, don't panic.
That advice and more can be found in this apparently played-straight mainstream news story. Maybe all the real journalists were away on vacation. Or, maybe the San Francisco Chronicle has been taken over by alien pods.
Number 9 -- what to do if an alien being confronts you -- is my favorite, written as if this is an everyday possibility. Classic stuff. Resistance is, of course, futile.
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